How The Great Scroll of BanXiau Was Discovered

"History is something you create."

Recently, a team of linguistic forensic experts made an exciting archaeological discovery...

what is now termed The Great Scroll of .

The Great Scroll of Panchiao was found in a run-down Panqiao apartment after an inquisitive person happened to come across an old abandoned manhole, which is a pertinent thing to relate in the introduction.

An earth tremblement cracked open this big hole in the ground, and everybody fell through to the secret dirt chamber therein who happened to be standing on that great manhole (there was a big party going on). Those people were lost in time and space -- or so we thought. As it turns out, they were just a little busy.

When our team found the hole, on a top shelf in the chamber was a Scroll with icons that seemed unrecognizable (s?) and unbeknownst to all men. So that was why we then hired a woman.

Hmm, okay. So, where did this thing come from?

It was determined - after much first vigorous then exhausting academic debate (which inevitably bankrupted our entire research budget for that fiscal year) that the scroll came from a hitherto little-known era, known only from a few anecdotal sources as "the end of civilisation (z?)."

Further, we are led to conclude - with about 80 percent certainty - that the function of the scroll was to serve as a sort of channel (cf. canal), or a telepathic pneumatic tube, using electronic airwaves for its journeycarrier.

Experts at length determined that The Great Scroll was written by the spirits that flow through time.

So what great secrets does the Scroll reveal to the modern audience?

Presumably you are referring to the Great Scroll of Banchiow? This scroll reveals that spirits can flow through time, via telepathic airwaves. They flow through our minds, as vortexes of electro-chemical energy (cf. "spirit" to Greek origins, meaning "energy").

We can pick up the flow of spirits via The Web, through books, and - as we know now through telepathic scrolls, icons; and as we shall see, a certain special guitar riff, played only on one very, very special occasion, by a young man named Jimmy.

Illustrated by Mark Perrault Further Translation Notes on The Great Scroll First, since language was obliterated it was necessary to determine which transliteration system to use for the translation, whether it be Hanyu Pinyin, Wade-Giles, zhuyin fuhao (phonetic symbols; a.k.a. Bopomofo), the Yale system, and so on and so forth ad nauseum. It was finally decided -- in a long, back-breaking meeting that ended with a tiebreaking vote that ended in picking straws -- that all forms of the language would necessitate being used, each in turn, when referring to this monumental and landmark discovery. This is because only by using the whole range of possibilities could all the subtle nuances of the word come to its complete, actualized, full-bodied form. So the team adapted the process of inventing new ways of romanizing Chinese words in general; that is, on a case-by-case basis. Anything goes, pretty much whatever amuses the translators at that particular moment in time - even shrouding the results in top secrecy. In fact, if a chaotic method like this one did not exist, this necessity called for its invention. It had to simulate the actual Chinglish that was spoken at that moment in time, which at every moment was being modified; hence the term "Modified Chinese." Cf. The Great Scroll of BanXiaow, that is. John & Annus enjoying The Scroll at Radio Banciao.   Rick Carlile savors a quick perusal of the Illustrious Scroll at Radio Banciao.

An in-depth analysis of the Scroll's preamble yielded the following interpretation:

"The wisdom of the ages, like water, flows through the quill to the eye. Thoth brings us the light of Ra. The old, all-seeing therapeutae bring us this scroll/map/compass/guide.

It must be noted that water was the symbol of knowledge and information at the time, although the word was only invented in the 20th century by fanatical materialist scientists.

As might be expected, the Scroll was apparently intended to be read from beginning to end. On the scroll's opening "scrollpage" as we call it, are what appears to be universally known symbols and illustrations which serve as an ancient form of glossary. This initial section of the Great (Banchiao) Scroll was probably written as a linguistic calibrating tool.

Zoro A. Star checks the Scroll's calibration.

After much hair-pulling and face-scratching, the opening message of the Great Scroll of Panchiao was loosely interpreted. The following examples are given: a cloud; a tortoise fashioned into a compass; a lightning bolt; a rat (or perhaps a mouse); someone carrying a basket/pot on their head; and a big, steaming pile of dogshit.

The symbols break down a little bit like this:

Figure 1.

We figure the gist of the introductory scrollnote is as follows:

Have the all-seeing therapeutae[1] given us this map?

God bless, amen

[1](thrpy´t) [Gr.,=worshipers], Jewish monastic order living on the shore of Lake Mareotis, Egypt, about the 1st century AD. They led an ascetic life devoted to solitary prayer and study of the scriptures, gathering on the sabbath for study and a communal meal. They may have a connection with the Essenes, although evidence is scanty. The only ancient source to mention them is PhiloÜs De vita contemplativa. Source: The Columbia Encyclopedia, Sixth Edition, Columbia University Press, 2002.

Oxford scholar Trista di Genova performs an on-site translation of the Scroll.

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Graham Howard delivers copies of The Great Scroll to Anthology bookstore owner Cecelia in Dublin, Ireland.